7.44pm, 20 September 2011
An Engineer’s Guide To Writing A Novel #5 – 5S

First of all, I need to apologise.  Way back in part three, I stated that I wasn’t going to write an entry on 5S, because I couldn’t see how it would relate to the writing process.

However, I realised I was wrong.

5S is another Japanese methodology for Lean manufacturing and engineering*.

It’s also the one that tends to make engineers groan when their managers come round and demand to “5S their desks / offices”, because it’s invariably translated as “remove all the paperwork / folders / pens / mugs / work from your desk, including everything you actually use / refer to all the time, and spend a working day cleaning the office”.

However, the real 5S is a much more subtle tool than this, and the Ss are as follows:

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4.22pm, 13 September 2011
Why the DC100 *shouldn’t* be the next Defender

I’ve got to admit, I was interested and excited to see Land Rover’s DC100 concept.  The original Land Rover, the granddaddy of the current Defender, defined a whole new type of vehicle, and adventure: it would be a hard act to follow.

Imagine my disappointment, and cries of “WTF?” when I saw the concept, and its orange “sport” twin.  Sport, of all things.  Words do not accurately express my contempt of that lifestyle concept.  The only sports Defenders should be associated with are hunting, shooting, and fishing, not the WAG-wannabe stylings of the Evoque*.

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7.39pm, 3 September 2011
Adventures in Baking – Lemon & Pimms Cupcakes

I’m not quite sure why I decided this, but it struck me that the quintessentially English summer drink, Pimms, was startlingly unrepresented in the cakes area.

Two routes presented themselves: incorporating Pimms into the body of a cake, or into a drizzle and / or icing.

Given that Pimms is most often consumed with lemonade, using Pimms as a drizzle over a lemon sponge seemed a logical solution.  I went for cupcakes rather than a loaf or round cake because I regularly inflict cakes on my work colleagues.  It’s much easier to distribute individual portions of cake than hunt around for plates, knives, and so on.

Three trials later, tweaking the recipe each time following feedback, I give you my prototype recipe.  Please pass it on, if you like, but a) please credit me and b) let me know how you get on.

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4.46pm, 6 August 2011
An Engineer’s Guide to Writing a Novel #4 – Project Plans & Coordinating Characters

My novel has a very rigid and specific timeframe, so certain characters are bound by temporal and locational restraints as a result: this is what happens when you set your story around a World Rally Championship event.  And although other major characters aren’t limited by the rally, differing constraints apply to them; for example, some are in a different country, following a separate schedule altogether.

However, my plot demands that all these interweave consistently (unless I want to repeat my brain fart of a first draft).  I might be a pantser when it comes to my characters’ interactions, but I need structure to create the novel, otherwise I’m just randomly flinging paint at a wall, hoping somehow I’ll create a perfect copy of a Van Gogh.

I need a way to know who’s doing what, where, and when.  And it must be clear, concise, and easy to read.  Much like a project timing and resource plan.

Enter the Master Calendar.

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1.19pm, 3 July 2011
BMW F650GS (Twin) – First Impressions

I’ve now had my new motorbike a week *happy dance*, and thought now was a good time to capture my impressions of it so far.

First of all, it’s orange.  Bright, pearlescent, orange.  Now, I loathe the colour orange.  I own no orange clothes or accessories, and wouldn’t consider using any shade of it to decorate any room of my house, ever.  Generally, I avoid orange like the proverbial plague.  But, the thing is, it suits the bike.  It gives it a presence and attitude that’s missing in its blue and silver cousins.  Also, it’s shiny.  I like shiny things.

Secondly, people who think Harleys are the nexus of the customising scene should think again.  Seriously.  You’d be amazed just how much stuff is available to bolt onto your BMW GS to make it all your very own.  You can buy crash bars, panniers, huggers, various protectors for various bits, you can buy bits in metal or carbon fibre* or plastic …

So far, my bike has had bolted to it:

  • Adventure-Spec crash bars – look huge, but easy to fit, and they cover much more than the standard engine bars for not much more money.  They also seem to be well-rated in use!
  • BMW Handguards – the dealer fitted these for me.  They look pretty robust, but as yet I can’t comment on their wind-deflecting or protective abilities.
  • MachineArt Avant & Mudsling – basically, a fender extender for the front to cut down on road muck chucked at the engine, and an intimacy-avoiding hugger at the rear to protect the rear shock.  Fantastically simple to bolt on, and they look good.
  • Rugged Roads Headlight Protector – because at well over £250 for a new headlight, it’s easier to replace a bit of perspex!
  • Touratech Brake Pedal Extender – I don’t know what it is about how I sit on a bike, but I seem to have a knack of not always being able to find the brake pedal.  This bit of metal makes the pedal much bigger.  Also, I believe it’s law that all BMW GSs must have at least one Touratech accessory fitted.

And this is just the start.  I’m already considering my next additions!

It’s also worth noting that this bike came with the low seat.  I’d sworn blind that I did not want a low seat (low seats are for girls), as I can get the balls of my feet on the ground quite comfortably on the normal seat.  However, the low seat means I can get both feet perfectly flat on the floor, with a bit of a bend in my leg, which is very similar to the position I’d be on my 125.  And there have been a couple of times already where it’s been reassuring to be able to do that – just as a confidence booster.  So the low seat stays, at least for a while.

My bike has been restricted to 33bhp, down from the F650GS’s 71bhp as standard: this took the form of a new inlet manifold, an ECU remap, and a throttle stop.  To put this in perspective, this is still 3 times the power and 5 times the torque my 125 has.

It’s tremendously torquey, and doesn’t feel at all choked or hindered by the restriction; it’s very willing and able, and wonderfully predictable and smooth for a parallel twin.  I’m blown away by how much more stable than the 125 it feels, especially at low speeds: it’s tremendously confidence-inspiring.  It’s not particularly heavy, but it’s nice and solid.  I need to get used to is how wide the bars are – at full lock, my arms can be a bit stretched.

I also need to stop being distracted by the rev counter – quite why my eyes should be so drawn to it, I don’t know, but it’s suddenly fascinating!  Given all the cars I drive have had rev counters for years, it’s not like I haven’t seen one before …

As yet, I haven’t had much practice with the notorious BMW 3-button indicators: one on the left bar to indicate left, one on the right bar to indicate right; the cancel button is on the right hand side, and in the same place on the left is the horn button.  I suspect I’ll be beeping the horn to cancel the indicators for a while!

That aside, I’m disappointed that BMW are moving to the conventional single-button indicator system: it just doesn’t seem right.  I’m assured by Dave that soon the 3-button system becomes intuitive and is easier to operate than the single button.  I suppose I’m disappointed that a big brand like BMW is in essence giving up on one of its trademark quirks of personality.  I want things to have a trace of personality, of the thoughts of the engineers who designed it.  (I’m probably alone in that.)

In conclusion, I LOVE THIS BIKE :D .  I’m looking forward to becoming much more acquainted with it.

*I work with carbon fibre, so I tend to look at bolt-on carbon fibre bits, however expensive, and think “Hmm.  Cheap carbon fibre.  I see better than that all that time!”  My bike isn’t going to get any carbon fibre bolted to it…